There was a time I mistook independence for strength— when silence became my shield, and pride, my prayer.
I wore resilience like armor, but inside, I was a crumbling cathedral echoing with unanswered prayers.
I told myself I was surviving.
But survival without surrender is just another form of hiding. And I hid— behind the commotion of everyday life, behind opinions, behind the illusion of control. I even hid from God, though I called it “faith.”
But grace doesn’t knock gently when your soul is asleep.
It shakes the ground beneath you. It sends fire to burn through the scaffolding of yourself that you’ve built too high. And when the smoke clears, what’s left is sacred ground.
I remember the moment my knees finally buckled and I hit the floor. It wasn’t a graceful fall. It was grief and shame and the slow unraveling of everything I thought made me admirable and lovable.
And yet— that was when I first truly felt Love, not as a concept, but as a Person who wept with me on the bathroom floor.
God was not disappointed. He was already holding the pieces of myself that I had dropped years ago— and was prepared to gather the rest.
What if the breaking wasn’t a punishment, but preparation?
What if the fire you’re walking through is forging something internal?
- Pause here.
- Breathe.
- Reflect.
What burden have you been shouldering in silence?
What might happen if you let God shoulder it with you?
You don’t need to be strong enough. You don’t need to get it all right.
You need only to be willing to let Him reach into your ruins and rebuild you with his mercy.
He’s not asking for a performance from you. He’s asking for your presence.
And when you come, ashes and all— He comes too, with armor forged in love, ready to fight for you beneath the pain.
Reflection
Grab a blanket, light a candle, and sit in silence for a few minutes.
Ask yourself:
- Where have I been surviving instead of surrendering?
- What weight have I been calling mine that was never mine to carry?
- What have I mistaken for strength that might actually be fear?
Let your heart answer without judgement— invite God into your silent place.
Surrender your responses to Him, let His presence relieve you from the burdens of your answers.
Armored Ashes 
Leave a comment