Forgiveness is one of the most difficult commands Jesus ever gave—and yet, it’s one of the most repeated.

Not optional.

Not casual.

But essential.

He said things like:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

—Matthew 5:44

“If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

—Matthew 6:15

“Forgive not seven times, but seventy times seven.”

—Matthew 18:22

And still, we resist.

Because forgiving someone who hurt us deeply feels unjust.

It feels like letting them off the hook.

It feels like betraying ourselves.

But what if… Jesus didn’t ask us to forgive to free them?

What if forgiveness is actually how God frees us?

Let’s look at why it’s so hard—and how Jesus taught us to move through that pain into freedom.

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Why Forgiveness Feels Impossible After Deep Hurt

When someone betrays, abuses, abandons, or humiliates you—something inside you shatters.

Your mind races with questions:

• Why did they do this to me?
• Why didn’t God stop it?
• How do they get to live peacefully while I’m bleeding inside?

Forgiveness feels like you’re being told to ignore the wound.

To pretend it didn’t happen.

To give a free pass to someone who never asked to be forgiven.

But this is not what Jesus meant.

Forgiveness is not saying what they did was okay.

It’s saying you will no longer let it define you.

Because when you cling to unforgiveness, you are chained to the pain.

And Jesus came to break chains—not keep them intact.

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1. Jesus Forgave from the Cross—Before Anyone Apologized

The most powerful image of forgiveness in Scripture comes from the most unjust moment in history:

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

—Luke 23:34

Jesus said this while they were still killing Him.

No apology. No remorse. No reconciliation.

Just raw forgiveness, poured out in blood and breath.

This is divine forgiveness:

Unprompted. Unfair. Unrelenting.

Why?

Because Jesus wasn’t just showing mercy—He was breaking the cycle of revenge.

And when He said, “Follow Me,” He was inviting you to do the same.

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2. Forgiveness Doesn’t Excuse—It Releases

Forgiveness is not the same as:

• Trust
• Reconciliation
• Forgetting
• Ignoring the wound

Forgiveness means this:

You stop trying to be their judge.

You release the burden of making them “pay.”

You hand the gavel to God.

“Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

—Romans 12:19

When you forgive, you don’t say, “What you did was okay.”

You say, “What you did broke me—but I won’t let it keep breaking me.”

You don’t restore relationship—unless repentance has taken place.

But you restore your own soul, so it can heal without bitterness poisoning the wound.

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3. Why It’s So Hard to Forgive Deep Wounds

The deeper the wound, the harder it is to release.

Why?

Because we associate justice with control.

If we forgive, we fear we’ll:

• Lose our sense of power
• Set ourselves up to be hurt again
• Appear weak
• Let evil win

But in truth, unforgiveness gives control to the one who hurt you.

They may no longer be in your life, or maybe they are—but they still live rent-free in your heart.

Jesus doesn’t ask you to forgive because it’s fair.

He asks you to forgive because it’s freedom.

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4. How Do You Actually Forgive—From the Heart?

Jesus said in Matthew 18:35:

“This is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

So… how do we do that?

1. Name the Wound Honestly:

Don’t minimize it.

Don’t cover it in Christian cliches.

Say what happened. Let yourself grieve and feel all of the emotions. Jesus didn’t say, “Father, it’s fine.” He named the injustice—and then forgave anyway.

2. Pray for Their Soul—Even if You Don’t Feel Like It:

Jesus said, “Pray for those who persecute you.”

Why? Because you cannot hate someone while praying for their healing. You may not feel like praying—but feelings follow obedience.

Even if your prayer is simply, “God, I don’t know how to do this. Help me want to forgive.”

That is Holy.

3. Release the Role of Judge:

Hand them to God. Out loud if needed:

“God, You saw what they did. You know the whole story. You know my heart just as You know theirs. I release them into Your hands.”

This is not weakness. This is warfare.

You’re waging war against bitterness, vengeance, and pride.

4. Keep Releasing as Often as It Comes Back:

Forgiveness is not always a one-time event.

Sometimes it’s daily. Sometimes it’s hourly.

And that’s okay.

Each time you release, you take another step toward freedom.

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5. You forgive Because You Were Forgiven

The ultimate motivation for forgiveness isn’t their worthiness. It’s your redemption.

You and I have been forgiven of everything.

Every lie. Every grudge. Every rebellion.

Jesus didn’t wait for us to be worthy. He forgave us in love.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

—Ephesians 4:32

You forgive because it’s what God did for you.

You release because you were released.

You love because He loved you first.

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Final Reflection:

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting.

It’s remembering—and choosing not to become like the one who hurt you.

It’s setting down the sword.

It’s giving God the final word.

It’s walking away from the courtroom in your heart where you’ve been both the judge and the prisoner.

Forgiveness is freedom.

And the more deeply you’ve been wounded, the more powerful that freedom will be.

You may never get the apology you need or deserve. You may never get justice on this side of Heaven. But what you will get is peace—the kind that only comes when Jesus enters the wound with healing instead of hate.

So today…start the release.

You were never meant to carry the weight of what they did.