(But You Really Need To Hear)

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Let me say this gently, like I would if we were sitting across from each other with a coffee in hand.

Most people don’t walk into marriage thinking it’s going to be hard. We walk in thinking, “We’re in love. We pray together. God brought us together, so we’ll be just fine.”

And honestly? That belief makes total sense. But scripture never said marriage would be easy, it said it would be holy.

And if you haven’t noticed.. holy things tend to stretch us to our breaking point.

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Marriage Won’t Complete You, It’ll Expose You

This is something that I wish someone would’ve told me sooner.

Marriage doesn’t magically heal the things you’re still carrying. It doesn’t erase insecurity, pride, control issues, lust, or old wounds. If anything, it brings right to the surface.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

-Proverbs 27:17

Your spouse will see parts of you that no one else ever has. That can be uncomfortable… and extremely humbling. But it’s also where God does some of His deepest work in us.

Hard truth, if you’re expecting your spouse to fix what only God can heal, you’re going to end up hurt and disappointed. Marriage isn’t meant to replace healing, it’s often the place where healing truly begins.

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Love Is Beautiful, But It’s Not Enough On Its Own

The biggest thing to remember is that love is a choice. You’re choosing to wake up every day and love this person. Even when the feelings aren’t necessarily there, you made that promise to God when you tied that knot.

Speaking of feelings, feelings will always come and go. That’s just the truth.

Some days, love feels like the easiest thing you could ever do. Other days, it feels quiet, strained, or even heavy. That’s why marriage isn’t built on feelings, it’s built on covenant.

“What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

-Mark 10:9

Covenant means staying when it would be easier to pull away. It means choosing each other on the days when you don’t feel especially chosen.

If you only know how to love when it feels good, marriage will feel like the heaviest burden when it doesn’t.

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Submission Isn’t About Control, It’s About Choosing Each Other

I know the word submission can make people feel tense, but it’s taken out of context and misused.

Biblically, it’s not about power, it’s about mutual humility.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

-Ephesians 5:21

Marriage works best when both people are asking, “How can I love you well today?” instead of “How do I protect myself?”

When either person uses scripture to control or silence the other, something has already gone wrong. Godly marriage isn’t about winning or having the upper hand, it’s about serving.

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Your Spouse Can’t Be Everything And That’s Okay

This one might be a little extra hard to hear, but it’s important.

Your spouse isn’t meant to be your source of peace, identity, or worth. God is.

“Seek first the kingdom of God…”

-Matthew 6:33

When we expect our spouse to meet needs only God can fill, we put pressure on the relationship that it was never meant to carry…

That pressure slowly drains intimacy.

The healthiest marriages I’ve ever seen are the ones where both people are running towards God, not trying to be God for each other.

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Conflict Isn’t the Problem, Your Ego Is

Every marriage, regardless of what is shown on social media, has conflict. Every. Single. One.

The problem isn’t arguing, it’s refusing to listen, acknowledge, and apologize.

“In your anger do not sin.”

-Ephesians 4:26

Just like distance can make the heart grow fonder, conflict can actually bring you closer… if it’s handled with humility. It shows you where healing is still needed. It teaches you how to communicate instead of shutting down.

If neither or you know how to say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong,” your marriage will turn into a battle ground instead of being your safe place.

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Marriage Is a Calling, Not Just a Chapter

Stop viewing marriage as a lifestyle upgrade or a reached milestone.

It’s a calling to a new chapter of life.

“Husbands, love your wives, just a Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

-Ephesians 5:25

That kind of love isn’t flashy or something to gloat about on social media, it’s genuine and faithful. It shows up even when it’s inconvenient. It chooses grace on the days when emotions run low.

If marriage is treated like a highlight reel, disappointment will creep in fast. But when it’s treated like a ministry, there’s room for growth, forgiveness, and grace.

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One Last Thing You Need To Know

Marriage is just as ugly as it is beautiful.

It will stretch you.

It will humble.

It will ask more of you than any other life experiences ever have.

Most importantly, it’ll make you die to your ego.

But when God is at the center, it will also shape you into someone who loves deeper, forgives faster, and reflects Christ more clearly.

So don’t just ask, “Will this make me happy?” Ask instead:

“Will this help me grow closer to God and love like Him?”

That’s the kind of marriage worth building.