Let’s talk about something that’s often quoted… but widely misunderstood.

Wives are frequently reminded of the verse about submission. But what doesn’t get talked about enough is this question:

Before God calls a wife to submit, what does He require from the husband?

Scripture doesn’t give men a free pass. It gives them a heavy responsibility that often goes unnoticed.

If we’re being honest… it’s one that should humble every man who reads it.

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Submission Was Never Meant To Be One-Sided

When people talk about biblical submission, it can sometimes sound like wives are the only ones called to sacrifice, bend, and yield.

But that’s not what the Bible teaches.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

-Ephesians 5:21

Submission in marriage is meant to be mutual, rooted in humility, love, and reverence for God. It was never designed to be about control, dominance, or silencing a woman’s voice.

If submission becomes fear, pressure, or emotional control, something has already gone wrong.

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Husbands Are Called To Love Like Christ

Right after Scripture speaks to wives, it gives husbands a command that is just as serious.. if not more.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

-Ephesians 5:25

Think about that for a moment..

Christ’s love is not selfish.

It’s not harsh.

It’s not entitled.

It’s not prideful.

It’s not controlling.

Instead…

It’s sacrificial.

It’s patient.

It’s protective.

It’s gentle.

It lays down power rather than demanding it.

God doesn’t tell husbands to rule their wives, He tells them to lay down their lives for them.

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Biblical Leadership Means Serving, Not Dominating

Godly leadership in marriage doesn’t look like barking orders or making every decision unilaterally.

Jesus, the greatest leader of all, washed feet.

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”

-Mark 10:43

A husband’s role is not to control his wife. It’s to serve her, protect her, listen to her, honor her, and cover her in love.

If a man isn’t willing to serve his wife, he’s not leading biblically (no matter how many verses he quotes.)

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A Wife’s Submission Is Meant To Feel Safe, Not Forced

Biblical submission was designed to flow from trust, not fear.

A wife is not called to submit to cruelty.

She is not called to submit to abuse.

She is not called to submit to manipulation disguised as “headship.”

When a husband loves his wife the way Christ loves the Church, submission doesn’t feel like oppression. It feels like peace, safety, and partnership.

Christ never forces love.. He earns trust through his character.

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Husbands Will Answer To God For How They Lead

This part is sobering.

Scripture holds husbands accountable for the spiritual and emotional environment of their homes.

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect… so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

-1 Peter 3:7

That means how a husband treats his wife can literally affect his relationship with God.

God is always paying attention. Not just to whether wives submit, but to whether husbands love, honor, protect, and respect.

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Real Headship Looks Like Humility

Biblical headship doesn’t say,

“I’m in charge, so listen to me.”

It says,

“I love you so much that I’ll sacrifice my pride, my comfort, and my ego for your good.”

A godly husband doesn’t ask,

“How do I get my wife to submit?”

He asks,

“How do I love her so well that she feels safe, valued, and cherished?”

That kind of love changes everything.

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This Was Never About Power, It Was About Christ

Marriage is meant to reflect Christ and the Church.

Christ does not dominate His bride.

He serves her.

He protects her.

He lays His life down for her.

He loves her faithfully, even when she falls short.

So yes, wives are called to submit.

But husbands are called to die to themselves first.

And that calling should not be taken lightly.

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One Last Thought

If a man wants to quote verses about submission, he should be ready to live out the verses about sacrifice.

In God’s design, submission is not about a wife losing her voice, it’s about a husband laying down his pride.

When both choose to walk in humility before God, marriage becomes a reflection of heaven, not a struggle for power.